Death Worksheet #6: Losing a Loved One
When you lose a loved one, you respond emotionally in your own way. We can't offer a short checklist of things for you to do. And your response time may vary as well. Some people re-experience grief many years after loosing someone. We encourage you to find support through some of the resources listed below that work for your needs and also through a support group. There are many online resources that can explain a process many people go through, can provide guides for when to seek expert help, and offer strategies for coping.
There are many people who have written extensively on death and grieving. See, for example, the work of the late Elizabeth Koubler-Ross who has led the field in transforming the way our culture deals with death. Find the resources that resonate for you. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Do what helps you.
Sometimes survivors feel like they are alone in their experience. Support groups all over the country offer opportunities to connect with others also dealing with death. If your loved one passed away from cancer, then a cancer death support group may benefit you more than a group formed around a violent loss. The more targeted the support group that matches your experience, then the more likely the conversation will relate to your experience and be meaningful to share.
A targeted support group may help you have a sense of normalcy about the experience. Perhaps you have the sense that the whole world should stop turning to acknowledge the passing of your loved one. A support group can offer a place to acknowledge the feeling fully and share it, as others in the group may feel the same.
While there are growing systems in our communities for communicating about the experience of death, many old beliefs and associations linger on. You may need to educate those around you. This can be easier to do if you have support from others with similar experiences. There may be those around you who, caring for you, want to see you go through the grieving experience quickly. Be sure to honor your experience. Let it be authentic for you. Take time to reflect on your grieving. This experience needs to be what you want it to be. It may be helpful to ask yourself some questions:
- What am I feeling right now?
- What do I need right now?
- What request can I make of others to help me get what I need right now?
- If circumstances won't allow me the time to feel right now (All those obligations that come with death!) then when will I give myself time to feel?
Resources:
On this page: What is grief and how does it differ from depression? | What are the different types of grief? | How does grief affect families and communities? | Are there stages of grief? | How long does grieving take? | Is it normal to feel so much pain? | What makes suicide an especially difficult loss? | What are some strategies to cope with my grief? | References and resources | Related Helpguide articles
American College of Physicians
Understanding the problem | When to get help | What you can do for yourself | Considering obstacles
AARP http://www.aarp.org/families/grief_loss/
Community Resources | Checklists | Grieving spouse | Grief and Loss publications | Helping grandchildren deal with grief | Seven choices of grief
GrowthHouse.org - Grief support resources
Dougy Center for Grieving Children and Families
Grieving.org (Christian site)
American Hospice
Grieving Teens: http://www.americanhospice.org/articles/grievingteen.htm
Grief Zone: http://www.americanhospice.org/griefzone/index.htm
Books: On Grief and Grieving with David Kessler, Facing Death
About grief: http://www.elisabethkublerross.com/pages/AboutGrief.html
Pioneers of Hospice—Changing the Face of Dying
Alexandra Kennedy - Strategies for grieving
Books: Losing a Parent and The Infinite Thread: Healing Relationships Beyond Loss
Articles: http://www.alexandrakennedy.com/articles.html
Tom Golden - For grieving men
For the loss of a pet - Links to numerous sites dedicated to pet-grief support.
